Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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