is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
