I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
