I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
