If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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