i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just want nice things and good sex
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
