i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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