his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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