i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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