i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
