i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
