you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
they're like a gay fantastic four
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
