There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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