he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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