Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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