Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
