Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
