I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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