Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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