So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
