She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
