You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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