I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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