They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
