dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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