What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
