not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
