Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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