closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
