The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Come see our sink grown plant.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
