Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
