It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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