My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Say something about gay babies.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
