Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
