my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
this hospital has no fireball
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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