i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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