Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
