Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
