Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize