He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
