Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
