Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
