Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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