Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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