oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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