i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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