I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize