My boss' voice literally gives me gas
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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