you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
