Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Shame - the story of my life.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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