dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
