Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
