Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you still have your period?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
