how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
