guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize