Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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