I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Less talking, more tequila
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
