I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
