the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
