4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
