But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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