I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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