you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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