oh god the rape fog is back!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize