You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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