So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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